Can you feel this cold winter, cold. Can you see that empty pool, my heart, winter, ice water on the surface doesn’t even ruffle, launched pebbles do not make any concentric circles; the frost on things. It is frost on things. The same that grips the heart. The breath. Everything is in frostbite. And I can’t feel, I can’t feel anything. I get in over my head in that fucking pool. But then it happens. An embrace that is a jolt. The holding hands, it's weird you see, it’s like a firm grip, something that reminds me about a lifetime ago or thousand lifetimes. But then it’s also a moment, a moment. Look around you. Can you feel the sun on your skin? Can you feel the chills the warmth the sun, like a caress like springtime like that hair falling gently over the shoulder blades, naked. Don’t be afraid of it. But are you still afraid? A light noise like a distant echo but comes from within, frost that breaks down, a crack opens like a fracture there over the heart and it hurts, fuck, it is killing but I smile because I think ‘I’m alive’, if it hurts if I feel it I’m alive, it hurts even my eyes because this light is like a blinding blade, finally I smile again I smile and so comes the summer it’s the summer that shines out It's like playing on a slippery slide on the seashore. Summer thrills me through like the Scirocco wind ruffled up the hair. I'm letting it wash over me. The golden sun. Can you see it? It still shines on the surface of the water it shines on my skin the sun still shines on me I can’t cover it I don’t want cover it and something, I know, is broken and I'm no longer afraid. I'm not afraid of it like I was. I didn't want to live anymore in Summer, I had killed summers. I wanted to hide in this cold winter cold, for all time. Then all of a sudden it has crept, the Unconquered Sun, like a buried thought like a caress that firm grip, here it is, Sol Invictus, on the longest night of the year in the solstice of my life. There it is again, Summer inside me.

More photos by luluwithheld